@Thedudish: That awkward moment when your girlfriend is looking up for a noodles recipe on your computer and opens a file called "Asian."
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@DEgan4Baseball: I normally stay out of political talk on social media, but this is TOO FUNNY! #TacoTrucksOnEveryCorner
@DaddyJew: Jesus: *turns water into wine* Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak* Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit
@Jake_Vig: HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: … ME: I assume we need to talk longer now.