@DepressedDarth: That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
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@novicefather: Nomenclature is important when courting a lady. For example, "feminine scent" and "feminine odor" are perceived differently. You're welcome.
@ArfMeasures: [phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well...u know that shop where u saw that ring you love W: OMG YES M: I'm catching Pokemon near there
@upsidedowntrash: Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No.
@Supafunkadunka: Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn't just painted on.