@LogicLaughs: That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who's really attractive, only cause it's too hard to walk away from the mirror.
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@Jandalize: I'm sorry your wife touches the elf on the shelf more than you.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
@BoogTweets: Me: Your hair smells so good. Which shampoo is that? My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so… My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!
@djdarrellripley: Her: Hey, what does this dress say to you? *Whirls Around* Me: I'm not in the mood to listen to your clothes right now, I'm drinking!!
@Chel__CLE: When my husband brags that girls hit on him at work, I just remind him that I make more money than him. We both go to bed happy.
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