@Jandalize: I'm sorry your wife touches the elf on the shelf more than you.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
@BoogTweets: Me: Your hair smells so good. Which shampoo is that?
My Boss: This is inappropriate
Me: Your skin is so…
My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!
@djdarrellripley: Her: Hey, what does this dress say to you?
*Whirls Around*
Me: I'm not in the mood to listen to your clothes right now, I'm drinking!!
@Chel__CLE: When my husband brags that girls hit on him at work, I just remind him that I make more money than him. We both go to bed happy.
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