@I_Disdain: "That chicken died for you" - how I get my kids to eat chicken
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@ItalianBratikus: When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered.
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the mall There were multiple reports of trampling injuries.
@Old_Pat_Bren: Hey, Sean Bean, it's either Shaun Baun or Seen Been. You can't have it both ways.
@GringoBrulee: Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. W: god I hate you. M: yes, use your hate