@I_Disdain: "That chicken died for you" - how I get my kids to eat chicken
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@brennadine: [Dog asleep on rug] I once killed a bear with my own two paws [Legs move wildly] THAT'S IT I'M WAKING HIM "No Henry. Let sleeping dogs lie."
@imence2: "My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth" was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
@juneohara65: "Go ahead, caller. . ." "Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I'd like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?"