@I_Disdain: "That chicken died for you" - how I get my kids to eat chicken
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@buck4itt: Thanks for keeping your Instagram account private. I'd hate for those pictures of your lunch to fall into the wrong hands.
@curlycomedy: Passed a sign that says, "All you can eat, $30/person" but I don't think I can eat $30 worth of people.
@samalmightysam: I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
@Sickayduh: Chairman: Ok so we've decided a group of crows is called a flock? Creepy Frank: *licking a knife* I've got a better idea