@I_Disdain: "That chicken died for you" - how I get my kids to eat chicken
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@Mom_Overboard: Me, sick: *filling up my Vicks humidifier* Him: Is that... Are you filling that with vodka? Me: Who are you my doctor? VAPOR IS VAPOR
@CarolineCasey: We were so high at the movies that I tried find my seatbelt and my friend helped me look for it.
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Can I have powder on my pizza? Me: You mean parmesan cheese? 4: I don't like cheese. I want powder Me: *Gives parmesan cheese 4: *Happy
@NewDadNotes: Wife: can you watch our daughter while I take a nap Me: sure Wife: don’t go outside it’s too cold Me: I’m not an idiot [10 minutes later]