@WayneL_Jr: That Chief Keef album hypnotized me earlier. I didn't even realize I was stealing from my mama purse until she paused my music.
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@qwertying: My son managed to lock the car with my keys still in the ignition. He suggest a coat hanger. I said we’re a few years too late for that.
@DanMentos: Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart. Sorry it's so hard to read I should really find a pen
@robdelaney: Families that do Christmas card photo shoots months before Christmas have the organizational skills of high-level Nazis.
@joss: Mean people tell me "you've got a face only a mother could love" but the joke's on them because she didn't