@fro_vo: "that dude just checked out your mom" --two trees outside a library
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@weinerdog4life: If you're ever attacked by a bear play deaf, be like "I can't even hear you bear"
@envydatropic: *Switches between 4 different news channels for an hour* Has literally no idea what's going on in the world
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.