@fro_vo: "that dude just checked out your mom" --two trees outside a library
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@causticbob: If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
@Abusitron: [leaving 5 minute voicemail] ...and you can reach me at [deep breath] *says phone number as fast as possible, slurring the numbers together*
@DanielJHannan: Babies are very like governments, you know. Constant appetite at one end, constant mess at the other. And they only ever get bigger.