@PanicRestroom: That girl from The Exorcist was a real head turner
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@Chumpstring: [hospital] DOCTOR: you're ok ME: so it was just a dream DOCTOR: no your heart did turn into a bowl of cereal but your system is accepting it
@jeffswarens: Boss: Everyone is behind schedule and making excuses. Does everybody here think I'm an idiot Me: Don't ask. They swore me to secrecy.
@XplodingUnicorn: Magic words that make my children disappear: 3) Bath time 2) Who did this?! 1) When I was your age...
@Marcmywords2: Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ............no matter how magnificent they look.