@PanicRestroom: That girl from The Exorcist was a real head turner
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@Home_Halfway: ME: Hey congrats, I hear you're pregnant CLIENT: Yes, thank you! ME: *trying to think of a good power move* Many species eat their young
@Laddy42: I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don't have any kids...
@SteveSuckington: [high school reunion] "Hey aren't u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?" No that was Tyler.
@KeetPotato: [bono dressed as magician] "think of a song any song" purple haze "right n- no, a U2 song" oh ok um.. elevation? "ok now.. check your phone"