@badbanana: That guy who ran through the White House could go to prison for ten years, so there's another reason I don't run.
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@MacAnnabella: Me: "Gee Thanks for spilling Cheerios all over the floor." 3yo: "You're welcome Mom, look at this!"*scatters more on floor I deserve that.
@djdarrellripley: I can be a real tiger in bed. No, wait, wait... What's that animal that plays dead?
@WheelTod: Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?
@MsSugar_Kisses: Listening to my coworker cry about her gag reflex not being able to swallow her allergy pills.. All I keep thinking is: Her poor boyfriend..