@TimHaynesJr: That heroic moment where one of your chips break off in the dip and you send another one into save it.
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@just1fool: Most of my life consists of trying to keep up with what's not cool so I can be sure to avoid any small talk.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Where's the dog? *flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.
@CaptainJerkwad: Went to a restaurant. The sign said "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the renaissance
@imence2: My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now.