@TheGabbieShow: that horrifying moment when a kid asks u to help find his mom bc he was always told if he was lost to ask a grownup & u realize ur a grownup
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@dave_cactus: [at my dad's funeral after he drowns] ME: *places a wreath made of a life preserver on the coffin* It's what he would have wanted...
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can we have Oreos for dinner? Me: Are you crazy? That’d be terrible for you. 4: Mom’s not home. Me: *eats Oreos for dinner*
@KevinFarzad: Whenever u feel like ur not being productive, take a nap. You'll wake up groggy & angry & have forgotten abt the whole "productivity" thing