@TheGabbieShow: that horrifying moment when a kid asks u to help find his mom bc he was always told if he was lost to ask a grownup & u realize ur a grownup
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@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.
@MrEd_EVH: -gestures to everything in the Garage- Me- THESE ARE MY TOOLS AND I AM THEIR KING!!! Wife- YOU'RE a tool Me- DAMN RIGHT I AM Wait..what?
@squirrel74wkgn: [at hotel] Friend: Heard your wife last night...she's a screamer [flashback to my toenail scratching her leg in bed] Me: Yep, nailed her