@JimmerThatisAll: That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
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@rpbateman: Sometimes I tell myself that everything that I've been through in life is totally worth it. Then I laugh hysterically.
@_shellzbellzzz_: Ever look at your frequently used emojis and realize that your two moods are drunk and circus tents?
@hippieswordfish: ME: how do u get girls SCUMBAG GUY: gotta brag about the size of ur, ya know...organ [later at the bar] ME: hey baby i got a real big colon