@juliussharpe: That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheHyyyype: REP: we are pleased to provide u with the highest level of customer service! ME: oh sorry, got the wrong number. was tryin to call comcast
@Brampersandon_: BAD GUY (hiding in my back seat): *strangling me to death* ME: *choking but still embarrassed he heard me singing that shania twain song*
@jenlaw_11: Mom I'm running away! No I don't need a jacket! Mom no I'm fine I don't need a jac- mom! No I don't need you to pick me up later mom! MOM!
@KKAlThani: 1)Buy a plastic phone 2)Walk next to a stranger 3)Whisper into phone "It's done. He's dead." 4)Remove batteries & throw phone in a trash can