@juliussharpe: That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
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@Cheeseboy22: Since Monopoly replaced its tiny iron, the talking mice in my walls now all have wrinkled shirts.
@rad_milk: I dropped a piece of cheese on the airplane and i know it rolled forward and some piece of shit in first class is enjoying it now
@SimonMaloy: TWITTER: something just isn't clicking here HORDE OF RACIST EGGS: [cacophony of immoral filth] TWITTER: eliminate the looping video service
@ariscott: [Day after Xmas] 7am: I am detoxing today, only fruit and liquids for me 9am: There are worse things than eating 14 cookies for breakfast