@juliussharpe: That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *takes her shirt off & sees a padded bra* whoa Her: I'm so sorry, are you upset? M: *pulls a salami out of my shorts* let's call it even
@Adar79Angie: I let friend's kid call my ex & say "Are you really my daddy?" while I'm in the background yelling "hang up the phone,he doesn't want you!"
@noog: Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job