@JustCallMeC_: "That looks interesting. I think I'll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
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@SondraDeeMe: "Just the tip," I whisper seductively to the pizza delivery guy, hoping he fulfills my fantasy of not charging me for the pizza.
@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.
@NicestHippo: [museum tour in the future] Racism and sexism ended in the 21st century, when brave Americans argued it out of existence online
@Tommytoughstuff: "Have a seat" *Turns on video of son eating pizza with a fork and knife.* "Dad I..." **Dad puts up hand* "Please don't call me that."