@heymonroe: That moment of panic when you accidentally swipe left on Bae while getting food off your phone.
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@TEXASVETERAN: I always get my pizza cut into 4 slices. You'd have to be a fat ass to eat 8 slices.
@SoulYodeler: Wait you *must* be the aunt I've heard soooo much about. The one who looks like Freddie Mercury and laughs like a jackal. Is this her honey?
@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment.
@matt___nelson: [start of interview] Me: hi sir nice to meet you *i go to shake is hand but spill his coffee everywhere* Interviewer: ...welcome to BP