@Carbosly: That moment when you hear a weird noise in the house and you're so lazy you think "Meh, whatever. I had a good run."
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@ericsshadow: [first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone
@Squeeb_Slayer: Whenever I see a bored boyfriend following his girlfriend around while she picks out clothes to try on I whisper "I'd never do that to you"
@Marcmywords2: Drugs CAN make your life miserable but if you wanna leave no room for error, try a Marriage Certificate.