@Carbosly: That moment when you hear a weird noise in the house and you're so lazy you think "Meh, whatever. I had a good run."
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@OneTrickTofani: *Robber runs into Chipotle* GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER "Is this for here or to go?" Uh. To go "Do you want guac?" Sure "It's extra"
@UNTRESOR: The average time it takes for an elderly woman to get her ringing cellphone out of her purse is 11 days.