@Carbosly: That moment when you hear a weird noise in the house and you're so lazy you think "Meh, whatever. I had a good run."
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@TheTalkingPipe: This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep.
@ericsshadow: [Starbucks intercom] "Will the man that ordered the Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte please pick up your drink. No one is looking."
@carrietini: According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.