@Carbosly: That moment when you hear a weird noise in the house and you're so lazy you think "Meh, whatever. I had a good run."
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@heidi420x: You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
@TheDairylandDon: A magician begins pulling scarf after scarf after scarf out of his front tuxedo pocket until Steven Tyler slowly fades away from all photos.
@weinerdog4life: Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.
@QwertyJones3: A girl called me "sir" today and I was so angry I took off my suit of armor and stormed out of Medieval Times.