@_ISpeakTrue: That moment when you make out with the air trying to find the straw in your glass
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@Matt_The_1st: "Honey, the baby sure is fussy. Why don't we go see a movie after we goto a nice, quiet restaurant?"
@michael_raphone: there's two types of people inthe world: cops who are a week from retirement and robbers who want to go straight but have to do one last job
@1Happytwit: I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent.