@_ISpeakTrue: That moment when you make out with the air trying to find the straw in your glass
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@jctwritesstuff: [Speed Date] Me: Hi. Could you show me on this Venn Diagram where alcohol & donuts overlap in your daily life? Him: I.. Me: Too slow. NEXT!
@internetluke: Little Kid: wanna hear a joke? Me: life is meaningless without death Little Kid: why did the chicken cro- wait what?