@Jesus_M_Christ: That moment when you mom says she was a virgin, but then 3 random dudes show up on your birthday with gifts.
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@jenlaw_11: Oh you're a Football fan? Okay then name 3 of their albums. Yeah. That's what I thought.
@yonewt: HOW TO BE ONE OF THE COOL KIDS ON TWITTER: 1. Pick an adjective 2. Add "AF" 3. Enjoy your new life, sans shame and ridicule
@papasuncle: ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.