@Jesus_M_Christ: That moment when you mom says she was a virgin, but then 3 random dudes show up on your birthday with gifts.
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@AristotlesNZ: Need hospital etiquette advice. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?
@boring_as_heck: Crime rates are down 100% after President Obama made it illegal to do crimes. "I don't know why we didn't think of this before," he said.
@AbbyHasIssues: I feel like whoever named it a "magic marker" was really overselling their product expectation-wise.
@AnOrangeSNES: Nine out of ten doctors agree that dying is bad for your health. The other doctor is clad in a dark robe and carrying a scythe.