@ShawnIzadi: That moment you could pass as an Olympic speed walker because you are racing to the bathroom.
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@freypalm: College guy: [massaging head] Oh man I got so trashed last night. Raccoon: [massaging stomach with his little raccoon paws] Me too man.
@MissNaughty1801: Him: you are correcting my every word for the last six years of our marriage Me: for the last 7 years
@nbadag: DATE: [whispering in my ear] i've got a secret ME: [also whispering] is it tacos DATE: [giggles] no ME: can it be tacos