@trevso_electric: That one onion ring didn't end up in your french fries by accident. That's Burger King's way of flirting with you.
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@RatchetAfrican: Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not...
@KimJungilSpirit: 4yo doctor visit: Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I'd rather he play with mud. Me: .. Wife:.. Me: where do u download mud?
@isabelzawtun: I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible