@joerogan: That Russian meteor footage is a nice reminder that we're flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof.
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@dumbbeezie: When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?" -people without kids "Do you have to poop?" -people with kids
@Cpin42: Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? [flashback to everyone chanting “SHIT PANTS”] Me: It was just time for a change.
@adamhess1: So glad I finally got around to correcting that spelling mistake I made to the girl I fancied 8 years ago