@joerogan: That Russian meteor footage is a nice reminder that we're flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof.
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@Home_Halfway: "Do you know how fast you were going?" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. "Get out of the car." *Cop cuddles driver* "Stop doing this. I worry."
@68Cly29: The embarrassing moment when you bring handcuffs to 'gamenight' and she brings Monopoly.
@P1ssed_K1d: Woman at drive-thru just called me "honey." Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.