@joerogan: That Russian meteor footage is a nice reminder that we're flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof.
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@sofarrsogud: Guys, ladies love a rugged man. Be like a wolf. Knock down her house. Eat her grandmother. Tear her to shreds. *makes wolf sounds
@HeyZeus666: I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there's some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex.
@3sunzzz: Friend 1: I love dry shampoo; it's so simple! F2: no water F3: no chemicals Me: Your hair is filthy.
@danjan13: Empty out and clean a mace container. Fill with water Stare into the eyes of your enemies as you spray your own eyes and never blink