@eliyudin: that show "Intervention" should just be called "Haters"
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@phranqueigh: "You're not like the other girls." "Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones."
@CornOnTheGoblin: cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back me: that doesn't sound like her, she never kept a knife there
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he's wearing TOMS and you can't stop laughing.