@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
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@kumailn: You think Japanese teenagers are shocked the first time they see a real live naked woman & it's not all pixelated looking down there?
@muskrat_john: "WHAT ARE WE TO TELL THE CHILDREN ABOUT GAYS MARRYING?" Dunno. I'll ask my 5-year-old, who just married her stuffed bear to a stuffed pony.
@hippieswordfish: [day 38 on the ark] NOAHS WIFE: we're out of food NOAH: don't worry, i have a contingency plan UNICORN: why are u lookin at me like that
@smilely_gal: 7 has started saying "your life just got better," whenever he enters the room; humility is not this kid's strong-suit.