@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
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@Oh_God_Why_Me: Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time.
@RorynotRoy: It's annoying how mirrors are always all like, "Hey, c'mere. I wanna show you something gross about you."
@abbycohenwl: Me: What's your dad do? Kid: My dad? He's an actor Me: Why? Couldn't you get a real dad?
@TheToddWilliams: [apiary] ME: Are you the beekeeper? BEEKEEPER: Yup ME: Can I get some? BEEKEEPER: Nope ME: Is it because you k— BEEKEEPER: I keep them