@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
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@KevinFarzad: MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u
@lisaxy424: You people who don't wear glasses don't realize how gratifying it is to take them off and rub your eyes when someone's being a moron.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: God: You'll be cursed to travel the desert for 35 years Moses: *slipping him $20* How about 30 [Later] Moses: We must wander for 40 years
@ch000ch: date: why are u talking to me like i'm a news anchor me: sorry i do it when i'm nervous. back to you, karen.