@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
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@CallousBalzac: Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir.
@TheMichaelRock: Some schools are banning Santa so they don't offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible.
@SadieSkyNinja: My spirit animal is a cockroach because I refuse to give up and die. Also I'm sorta crunchy.