@NYC_Blonde: That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy's apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view.
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@TylerFoFyler: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact.
@SondraDeeMe: [job interview] What experience do you have plucking chickens? Me: See all those hairs on my chin? No. Me: Exactly.