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@mrtruthandsoul: "That was supposed to be a compliment."
@topaz_kell: Ambien is not the answer, unless your neighbor questions why you were sleeping on their couch and where did their cheesecake go.
@Kirinodere: Obama: I'm going to miss living in the White Hou-
Biden: DUUUDE look at my roll!
Obama: MAAAN is that UR Kotori?
@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"
@animaldrumss: [overhears guy saying economy is bad]
[later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad