@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive
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@BromanConsul: "BUT WE'RE DATING!" the blonde screams, "I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND." "You were" Hefner chuckles. "Now you're just some bunny that I used to know."
@CountGripsnatch: *maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*
@EndhooS: Wife: He's always lying about his celebrity connections.. Therapist: Is this true? Me: Just wait til Sonic The Hedgehog hears this bullshit.