@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive
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@LeonEarlgrey: Hey girl are you my golf clubs? Because I tottaly forgot to take you out of my trunk.
@missekay: *decides to workout* *lays on ground to do sit-up* *find skittle on ground* *eats it* *takes nap*
@jonnysun: LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack
@Tommytoughstuff: THERAPIST: How does that make you feel? ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.