@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive
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@fletchworld73: So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
@Dutch_50: I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang
@phxguy88: The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it. Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?