@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to subway how can i-' ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID 'sir-' M: IS IT HIS PISS
@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car? Me: Absolutely not. Trust me, I've looked.
@SteveSuckington: Wife: [looking at bank statement] what's this huge charge from Clones R Us? Me: [sends group text to 7 other me's] she's on to us