@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive
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@Smiilze: Forgot to turn on the oven. Food's been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.
@NoTheOtherJohn: ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print
@illuminatedwndr: AA MEETING Chairman: Please, introduce yourself Eminem: Hi! My name is.. C: What? E: My name is.. C: Who? E: Hi! My name is.. C: Huh?
@SSDated: You're only as awkward as you say you are...out loud...in front of people...who were in a private conversation...that didn't involve you.