@ranndrew: "Thats a killer dirt bike you've got, man!"
*dirt bike holds a knife to your throat*
Believe me...I know.
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@WilliamAder: We found out today how many people it takes to hold me down for a flu shot.
@girlontapas: People without kids who give other people's kids messy or annoying toys.. Imagine that we gave you a monkey with a kazoo and fingerpaints..
@HatfieldAnne: Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN! Next morning: Oh, OK.
@HatfieldAnne: Google Maps says it’s a 29 minute walk, but where’s the secret calculation for the long-legged and impatient?
@thatUPSdude: It's common knowledge talking shit will result in dental work.
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