@THINGDUMBPPLSAY: That's because you're in it...
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@ch000ch: i listed my ex as my emergency contact at my new job bc if i have a heart attack i need to tell kathy to burn in hell one last time
@StoferComic: My neighbor just planed an orange tree. I told him, "That's a strange color for a tree."
@slimmy_shady: My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.