@ValeeGrrl: That's it, teachers. Keep gloating on Facebook about your snow day. You'll see my kids tomorrow after their breakfast of Coke & Pixy Stix.
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@JermHimselfish: Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
@owillis: 2007: OBAMA'S COMIN' FER YER GUNS 2008: comin' 2009: almost 2010: any day 2011: seriously 2012: ok now 2013: i think.. 2014: nope 2015: well
@Marlebean: Kid: What's this? Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin? M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch? M: ...