@goatburgler: That’s just what I’d expect a pie full of spiders to say.
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@ilovepie84: This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the "Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen" that should confuse her for a while.
@meganamram: Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies
@leahloveslovely: Vodka bottles should come printed with a crisis hotline number to call in the event you feel like texting your ex
@SteveKoehler22: Blonde in laundromat asks to have a sweater cleaned. Attendant : "Come again ?" ( not hearing ) Blonde: "Nope, Just mustard this time"