@goatburgler: That’s just what I’d expect a pie full of spiders to say.
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@blondecalamity: Invention: When your heart stops beating, your smartphone and laptop instantaneously explode. PATENT PENDING!!
@Donna_McCoy: Computer problems can be solved with duct tape if you apply it directly to the mouth of the person asking you to help fix their computer.
@Ideal_Victoria: Me: [Nudges friend] You should see what I just wrote on the bathroom wall. Friend: Uh... You do know we're at my house right?
@SadieSmithRoks: Next time my cat has some friends over, I'm going to puke right next to where they are sitting and see how she likes it.