@addmoreninjas: That's nice that you're a Christian now. Could you maybe be a Christian a little quieter?
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@sfreeze6: Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September.
@eff_yeah_steph: Him: Do you have any food in your purse? Me: I call it my Snack pocket. My snocket. Him: Not all words need to be- Me: ALL OPTIONS SHOULD BE EXPLORED DO YOU WANT THIS Ziplock OF WARM BABY CARROTS OR NOT?
@simoncholland: [5:45 AM] Daughter: "Daddy can you make me breakfast?" Me: "Can you not reach your Halloween candy?"