@tweetofclay: That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?
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@lecalabara: Her: Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with? Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.
@mrtruthandsoul: The best thing about sitting next to the white guy with dreads on the bus is no one thinks you're the one that farted
@Carter_TCB: One time I accidentally gave my cat acid. Thought he would really freak out but he just looked at me calmly and said meow for 10 hours.
@Deirdreocx: If you're ovulating and have sex standing up... Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend