@rumandrocks: That's weird, my waitress stopped flirting after I paid the bill...
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@themiltron: FRIEND: What 3 books would you have on a desert island? ME: My first book is more books. F: What? These aren’t wish— M: Second book’s a TV.
@Kennycruzin: When one squirrel says "I like to eat nuts", there is probably always another squirrel who says "that's what she said."
@aveuaskew: Repeatedly referring to the electrician as a "take charge kind of guy" is a great way to make your doorbell turn on the garbage disposal.
@causticbob: I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.