@bingowings14: The 16yo tells me he's been revising all day. His browser history suggests he's got his YouTube exam in the morning.
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@Dustinkcouch: Whenever my girlfriend doesn't eat her dinner, I remind her that there are starving kids in Africa, and that she'll never be that skinny.
@dafloydsta: BOSS: We need to look in the mirror and see where we can improve. ME: *to Gary, who I suspect is a vampire* Go ahead, Gary. You first.
@Cheeseboy22: My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play.
@BoogTweets: Her: *slaps grilled cheese from my hand* I'm leaving you! Me: *slowly removes emergency grilled cheese from my pocket*