@weinerdog4life: The 2nd amendment gives us the right to bear arms and the 8th amendment gives us the right to horse legs
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@MartaEffing: I hate when I catch a bouquet at a wedding and everyone judges me for lighting it on fire.
@caperbc75: Dr: ... Me: ... D: ... M: ... D: *sighs* Did you stick an orange up your rectum M: No *orange falls out onto floor* D: ... M: *mumbles* yes
@craiguito: My ex used to say there was one person for everyone. I didn't realise he planned to be that person
@JasonLastname: If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this.