@SirEviscerate: The 4th little pig built his house into a windmill. The wolf huffed and puffed and generated enough power to last the whole winter.
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@huntigula: My 8yo niece: I have 6 boyfriends ME: ok wow, that's a- Niece [interrupts]: I hate all of them
@Duke1173: *moonwalks into office* *draws dual finger guns* *fires off seven shots at Annie from HR* *holsters guns* *gets chosen for random drug test*
@chuuew: As the zombies swarm, I ask for one last selfie. By the time they realise their dead flesh won't activate the touch screen, I'm long gone.
@david8hughes: Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead