@lecalabara: "The 59th rule of Fight Club is, we cant park in the lot on Vermont anymore - The owner is being a jerk. Just find street parking. 60th..."
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@PaperWash: When your girlfriend says "I love you" reply with "I love you more!" Because relationships are competitions that must be won.
@CM2BTTHD: Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.
@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.