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@Kingsroc: The 70's called. They built a time phone.
@3sunzzz: Listerine, for when you feel like killing all 10,000 taste buds at once.
@_b1p0larbear: I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on.
Then I dropped it onto her nose.
She's awake now.
@thevickster_sa: When your unicorn and dragon start battling each other, it's time to lay off the Ambien
@TheLemon_: Lets all agree,
having your cake and eating it too,
is the same damn thing.
@Phook75: I'm certain my job is interfering with my drinking