@StansaidAirport: The 9:50 from Paris has been diverted. Nothing to do with the weather, we just don't like the French.
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@GrabTheWEness: If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I've never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
@robfee: Being a New York Jets fan is like watching Titanic every Sunday and cheering for the boat.
@dafloydsta: [speed dating] Her: THIS IS NICE Me: I'M HAVING FUN TOO Her: WHAT KIND OF DRUG DID YOU SAY THIS WAS? Me: IT'S CALLED SPEED
@patrickmarkryan: On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean