@SkunkFarts: The American flag should be a picture of a cheeseburger watching TV on a couch made of fries.
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@WeissBrandon: My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that's how the fight started.
@DurtMcHurtt: [kung fu fight] "Your tiger claw is no match for my crane." *starts lifting heavy building materials*
@turtledumplin: If I ever got stranded on an island, I could totally use the glare that bounces off the whiteness of my legs to signal for help.
@ehchinoo: Teach a man to shake and he will be able to greet everyone. Give a man a shake and all the boys will come to his yard