@SkunkFarts: The American flag should be a picture of a cheeseburger watching TV on a couch made of fries.
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@moxieblogger: I pet my dog and she started to purr. Thought I should lay off the drugs until I realized the cat was sitting behind her.
@BradBroaddus: I don't always eat breakfast in my underwear but when I do, I get escorted out of Waffle House.
@HonestToddler: Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear.