@kelkulus: The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.
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@PJTLynch: Nothing's more infuriating than opening the in-flight magazine to see the Sudokus already half-done, in the colors of your rival Sudoku gang
@robdelaney: Shouldn't there have been ONE scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
@IanKarmel: 22 year old me after a night of drinking: "I hope I didn't do anything stupid." 29 year old me: "I hope I didn't agree to go on a hike."
@NintenDom: It's Facebook's 10th birthday today. Let's all click "Maybe" on the event invite and then not show up.