@nettie0918: The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
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@LMHPhotog: Ancient Man: Out of water. Let's walk 10,000 miles to a fresh continent. Modern Man: Fridge is empty. Guess I'll just die in my kitchen.
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: I need a scarf. Me: No, you don't. 3: To tie up bad guys. She needs a scarf.
@Reverend_Scott: customer service: so the vacuum works just fine but you want to return it cuz it's... too loud? me: [looks over at dog] that is correct