@nettie0918: The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
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@novicefather: Meant to type "Lmaoooo" but left off the "L" and now she thinks I'm singing the praises of The People's Republic.
@thesulk: Pizza Hut ad: "Do you want the same old same old, or do you want the original?" Think about these words.
@Rollinintheseat: If you bring back your paper bags at Whole Foods, they'll give a refund of 5 cents. After a year you'll have enough money to buy an orange.