@Token_Geezer: The amount of time my phone spends plugged in you may as well call it a landline
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@DothTheDoth: Two squirrels in the backyard. But they are not playing together. Wonder if there's history.
@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
@ShutUpThatsWho: [walking on beach] [find bottle with message in it] Message: IS YOUR FRIDGE RUNNING? [another bottle with message washes against my feet]
@Papa_Mex: When a coworker pisses me off, I like to write his name down for 23 boxes of girl scout cookies on the form in the break room