@AmishPornStar1: The amount of time you spend cleaning your house before a friend comes over is inversely proportional to the quality of that friendship.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: What's wrong? WIFI: You're obsessed with the internet ME: Give me one example WIFI: Look how you've spelled wife
@ojedge: [1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: "How's your meal?" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]
@Tmoney68: If you didn't get called to a meeting with your 5-yr-old son's principal because he was inviting girls to his "naked party," you aren't me.