@shahrouzt: The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
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@DiamondLou69: My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss. I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never lifts a finger to do anything.
@WhiskeySoured: To protest Donald Sterling's racist comments I'm going to continue to not care about basketball.
@cm_rutvik: Jeff: i'm pro gun. Me: i'm anti gun. Greg: i'm vegan. Me: i'm pro gun, now. Jeff, give me your gun.