@trentistweeting: The amount of tinder matches I've gotten has skyrocketed since I changed my interests from "Murdering" to "Not Murdering"
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@AntoKenya: My girlfriend once told me she was pregnant. I was so excited that I ran to another country and have never seen her from then.
@buhsbaby_baby: As a grown woman with no children or morals to slow me down, I will have a definite advantage during tomorrow's family Easter egg hunts.
@ChrisIsJoking: Overheard this guy say "I can skin a deer in 20 min, but I still can't hula hoop." Not sure why he thinks those skills would be transferable