@trentistweeting: The amount of tinder matches I've gotten has skyrocketed since I changed my interests from "Murdering" to "Not Murdering"
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@ArfMeasures: "My friend got me a Fitbit" ME: Oh yeh, heard of them, haven't got one tho "u can buy them online" ME [whispering] u can buy friends online?
@PhoenixRises69: I've removed swim with dolphins from my bucket list. Mainly cos I can't swim and drowning with dolphins doesn't have quite the same appeal.
@abbycohenwl: Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Bank Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, It is
@drinksmcgee: I saw someone use "Terrierist" instead of "Terrorist" and I don't know whether I should be afraid of my dogs or not.