@michaelianblack: "The ankle so important to a basketball player." Something the announcer just said.
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@realHamOnWry: That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high.
@kwirkyKerri: I've never been offered money for sex. Never been offered money to not have sex either. So there's that.
@alyssawolff: *sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs* Me: Need help with that? Her: Yeah! Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Do the republicans shocked that Trump is their nominee also get surprised when they put cake batter in the oven and it becomes a cake?