@michaelianblack: "The ankle so important to a basketball player." Something the announcer just said.
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@dyldonot: [consoling grieving widow] so I guess you'll be looking for a new owner for his pokémon collection?
@skickwriter: My microwave broke. So, we're finding innovative alternatives. Did y'all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.
@better_off_dad: A simple smile can brighten someone's day... ...but a wide-eyed, toothy lunatic smile can keep them up all night.