@myonlymizztake: The answer to the question, "do these jeans still fit" depends on whether or not I actually have to sit down at any point.
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@mommy_cusses: My husband coughing the moment I got the baby to sleep is why spouses are the number one suspect in homicide cases.
@NYC_Blonde: Billion dollar idea: Tea bags that are actually wine bags. Slogan: You already act like you're God, now turn water into wine like Jesus!
@dshack8: Don't call me "Dad", please call me by my professional title, "Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist".