@erikbransteen: The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that
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@Playing_Dad: "Daddy, why is it dark at night?" It gives the ghosts and zombies a time to run around and collect little kids. Goodnight, hunny.
@4handfuls: AC changed "laughing at your gif" to "laughing at your God" and now I've accidentally started a religious war in this group text...
@TheBoydP: “Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable…” ~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out
@HockeyTornado: Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.