@o__0Dev: The average Apple employee works 6 hours longer a day than an Apple battery.
@jergarl: My stages of awkward:
Sober me: I don't know what to do with my hands
Drunk me: I don't know what to do with my face
High me: What face?
@obviousplant_: Are you dating a bunch of bees?
@sixthformpoet: 1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
@SirEviscerate: Mispronouncing French phrases can be a real social fox piss.
@MintyCow: I just responded to a text message with: I can't hear you, you're breaking up