@o__0Dev: The average Apple employee works 6 hours longer a day than an Apple battery.
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@neiltyson: Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine.
@djdarrellripley: Me: You never told me you were on the debate team in college.. Her: Yes I did. Me: No you didn't. Her: Yes I did. Me: Oh you're good!
@BBQJones28: When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"
@ddsmidt: You would think my neighbors would appreciate me petting their dogs every day. But nooooo, they’re too worried about how I keep getting into their house.