@KenJennings: The average human now spends 1.5 years of their life waiting for dumb post-credits scenes.
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@Contwixt: I've opened a can of worms. They just sit there, the worms. Hardly the chaos that's been advertised.
@Home_Halfway: ME: I thought we'd try something new in the bedroom tonight WIFE: Oh really, I like that ME: *holds her hands* Babe, let's tape the bed to the ceiling so we can sleep like bats
@LoveNLunchmeat: Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
@duplicitron: The best part of having a banana instead of a cell phone is no one on this plane can actually make me turn it off or stop talking into it.