@KenJennings: The average human now spends 1.5 years of their life waiting for dumb post-credits scenes.
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@Birdhumms: I believe you cannot save people, you can only just love them. Which is probably why my job as a lifeguard didn't last long.
@therealeatwood: BRAM STOKER: I wrote this 64-page story about a vampire EDITOR: It’s good but can you add 300 pages of vampire hunters tracking a shipment
@MarfSalvador: me: [flicking through memory book] aww and this is my first pet, hammy the hamster gf: you know you could have just taken a photo